Fall

I will be back to writing on this blog, very soon I hope. In the meantime....

190)My body letting me climb mountains at 35 weeks pregnant
191)crisp, yummy apples
192)Tom getting surprise days off!
193)all the sunlight that comes into our living room
194)the cradle swing that helps my boy sleep
195)whoopie pies
196)naïveté
197)a Saturday morning when no one has anywhere to go
198)whipped cream on my morning coffee
199)homemade baby blankets
200)a glimpse into a different culture
201)snuggling close to the one I love
202)waffles fresh from the waffle iron
203)being surprised by joy
204)Shoprite grocery delivery service
205)a sleeping baby
206)really good iced tea
207)leaves changing color
208)a big brother caring for a little brother
209)a road trip on a sunny day

back to active blessing counting....

155) rereading a favorite book and remembering why it was a favorite
156) dinner table talks
157) Psalm 100
158) anticipating a night of board games and yummy pie with Tom
159) my boys' imaginations
160) Trader Jo's vanilla jo-jos
161) Cole's love for his Hug-a-Bible
162) discovering new music
163)Tom grilling dinner
164) naming a baby
165) all the hugs and kisses between 3 little boys before every naptime and bedtime
166) hearing my boy tell me he's looking forward to heaven because there will be no night
167) an unexpected breeze on a hot day
168) a breakfast date at a diner with Simeon
169) Cole saying "ah duh" (all done) every time we finish a book
170) boys snuggling with Daddy
171) when Tom makes the morning coffee
172)little boys' morning bed hair
173) comfy pajama pants
174) really good coffee ice cream
175)the Summer Olympics
176) roasting marshmallows over a fire
177)listening to my boys make up "spooky stories"
178) a sky full of stars
179) quiet
180) waking up before everyone else
181) a perfect Pandora station
182) winning a prize at a fair on your first try
183) innocence
184) no cell phone service
185) a mama's heart that feels like it could burst
186)watching my littlest boy jump inside my belly
187) knowing that because of Christ in me things don't need to stay as they were
188)listening to The Milk Carton Kids
189) waking up in Maine

My days

I had started a post which would have been long and wordy, and which I might come out with sometime soon...
But in the meantime I was spending a few quiet moments drinking ice water (I finally get what some people just love about ice cubes) and re-reading one of our books of "stories" by Brian Andreas and I came upon this, one of my favorites. And I realized that all of the words that I would have come up with would be trying to say what this says so simply.
So instead I took a picture to share.

I've loved our summer days, many start out as a blank box on the calendar (my very favorite kind of day) and they end up filled with lots of talks and questions and creativity and games and dancing and tickling and yummy food creations and sometimes crying and arguing and discipline and even more talks.... About the whys and hows and the future and how much God loves us and why do we need to be kind? and the choices we have and how even though I'm a mom and not a kid my days are filled with choices. And aren't they?!!!
I thank my God for TIME, for the uncluttered, simple days that I have with these boys.
I feel acutely aware of the preciousness of it.
Life has seasons and come September our days won't be quite this simple but I thank God for today.
And I thank Him for the truth that this joy I have in my heart today can be found even on the busy days.
"I have learned the secret of being content..." Philippians 4
But today I'm thankful for a not busy day....

Tilapia, good music and best buddies

I've often considered putting recipes up on my blog but never have. Mostly because my readers are few and I'm not sure there's anyone reading this looking for new ideas. BUT.... If you know me you know I love cooking and I love finding a keeper of a recipe so I will share. Plus we had this last night and I already wished today that I had leftovers. This one is so incredibly easy and so so yummy. Perfect for summer. I always serve it with rice, and think it's so delicious that I would happily eat a huge bowl of just the salsa and rice. Yummmm.

TILAPIA WITH CORN SALSA
4 tilapia fillets (6 oz each)
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 can (15 oz) black beans, rinsed and drained
1 can whole kernel corn, drained
3/4 cup Italian salad dressing
2 Tbsp chopped green onion
2 Tbsp(I prefer more=) chopped red sweet pepper

Drizzle both sides of fillets with oil; sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Broil 4-6 inches from heat for 5-7 minutes or until fish flakes easily with a fork.
Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine remaining ingredients. Serve with fish.

On an unrelated note, I was struck all over again last night with an overwhelming love of / thankfulness for music. What it does for me deep in my soul is something I can't try to explain. As I cleaned up from dinner I put on one of my very favorite Pandora stations and wow did it make me happy. Great song after great song and I couldn't help but grab my littlest boy and twirl around and around.
To those of you who have music deep in your soul, you get it.
I am very thankful for music.

We spent the day yesterday with dear, dear friends whom we don't see nearly as often as we'd like but they still remain some of our best buddies. 5 years ago now Darla said to me "you need to meet Jack and Jill" and I said "really???", thinking that I had just moved home from Japan and declared that I really didn't need any new friends.
Foolish me and thank you Jesus!!
These years have passed and the two babies between us have turned into 8 (soon to be 9) and life is crazy but we've sure stuck together.
And our kids love each other and that's a joy to see.
I am very thankful for Jill.

this heart of mine

143)freckles
144)living in a small town
145)cooking with my kids
146)Amelia Bedelia books
147)after dinner walks on a breezy evening
148)all 3 boys busy enough while on a walk that I can hold their daddy's hand for just a minute
149)Jill, and her perspective on life
150)Cole singing to the sound of the vacuum every time I turn it on
151)unseasonably cool June days
153)California rolls
154)going to sleep asking for peace in my heart and waking up in the morning with a very peaceful heart

Happy days, happy boys

Lots of fun days filled with fun moments...
And here are just a few =)

Happy birthday

Today is my little sister's birthday. Last night I lay in bed in the middle of the night thinking of her and it turned into a little mental celebration of her and all the things that make her so great and so her.
I love people, so so much, but I'm not always the best and letting them know that. Or at least the how muches and the whys....
So here's to my sister Joanna...

- I love the way she turns everything into something fun. There's a never-ending supply of games in her head, and it turns out anything can be a game! Never a dull moment.
-she is loyal. Really really loyal. Don't mess with the people she loves. I'm blessed to be loved so absolutely by her. And if someone hurts me too bad, watch out... =)
- she smiles all the time. If you want proof then just look at her little girl, who has in one year learned from her mommy that there's always something to smile about.
- she's a fighter for what's right. I think she got it from our daddy
-she will give and give and give of herself, and I am often amazed by the growing list of people who are touched by her
-she can keep going, and do so productively, even when really tired (I can not)
-she shows up big time whenever there is a need
- she LOVES her husband, LOVES her little girl, and would always rather be with them. The 3 of them together are always very happy.

I could go on. Today I feel thankful for her, blessed by her, humbled by many of the ways that she loves.
I love you Jo.

The fruit of the spirit and basic hygiene

Not much challenges my patience more.... actually make that all of those wonderful fruits of the Spirit more... than being up when I should be/ want to be sleeping. Especially when it seems as though the "urgency" of the given situation is not so urgent.
We are in a rut in the Panter house of kids either getting out of bed or waking up to tell us something "really important"!! The following is a true, not exaggerated list of things said to Tom or me in the past week, usually between the hours of 12:30 am and 6:30 am, but occasionally during naptime or bedtime...
(And understand that there is a "no talking" rule, which explains many of the confessions)

-MOMMY!!!! I'm picking my nose!
-i picked my nose again and by mistake I ate it!
-I keep biting myself!
-I just went pee and sucked my finger and didn't wash my hand!
-is it ok if I don't talk but make clicking noises?!
-I just put a Lego in my mouth but then I took it out!
-i was just calling and calling for daddy and by mistake I woke up Justus but i put him back to sleep. But I really really need to tell daddy something, and it's this. that I just said two words: "not not"
-I just sang a song by mistake but now I'll stop
-I just need to tell you that one little dot of pee is on my pants but it's ok!
-mommy! By mistake im picking my nose again!
-I'm just coming down to tell you that if I wake up and talk by mistake I'll stop talking!
-i just wiped my bottom and then by mistake i sucked my finger!
-mommy! I almost said one word but then I stopped!
-I just need to tell you that i went potty and forgot to put my underwear and shorts back on but then I remembered!

Many of these have actually awoken me from a nice sleep, and going back to sleep while pregnant just isn't easy. Big sigh.

I share this because
1) it's funny. I'm going to look back and laugh, more than I have been laughing when I'm fighting to get what feels like well-deserved sleep.
2) I know that life isn't about me getting enough sleep, and it isn't even about me being happy. Even when I'm pregnant and even when I really do feel like I need it. I am still this morning struggling with kindness, patience and joy despite how I feel but I know there are bigger issues when it comes to mommying my kids than simply doing whatever it takes to get them to leave me alone during the hours that I deem "bedtime".
I so I wearily ask for the takeover of the fruit of the Spirit this morning, cause i know He is in me and therein lies my hope. And God, somehow, help me show YOU to my boys.
And to my boys.... Don't pick your nose, don't touch your bottom, and if you do, just WASH YOUR HANDS!!!!!

The little things

137) the way that Simeon and Justus jump up and down and up and down with excitement
138)being humbled, and being willing to accept it
139)free iced coffee day
140)sitting outside in the evening, watching the cars go by, baby on my lap
141)the accomplished feeling of a good yard sale find
142) singing to my boys while they sleep
143) a game of follow the leader

We've discovered that Cole has a love for animals that we've never seen in one of our boys until now... He truly shakes at the sight of one. We have been spending many free moments at the window, on the porch, wherever we can catch a glance of a squirrel or a bird, or maybe even a dog walking by. It is pure joy to watch his excitement, and to learn more of what makes him him...
The older boys are anxiously awaiting their camping trip with daddy next week. When asked what they want to do first, Simeon said "roast marshmallows" and Justy said "go for a hike". Simeon came back to me later to clarify, and he has made it known that really, his favorite part of camping is EVERYTHING.
My week has been extra busy and my soul feels a little bit restless tonight but I am aware of God tugging on my heart, telling me I can rest.
No need to be restless, even when I've messed up a bit or my attitude is somewhat yucky or I feel like I wasted time. I am not on the line, and I can live free.
Tonight I will stick with that...

Precious

all kinds of happy

I read this blog entry by Ann Voskamp at the beginning of the week and it hit me deep down. It's worth reading, and re-reading. Please do.
There are still resurrections and we are witnesses.

Spring break week was full of wonderfully relaxing together time, the highlight being a surprise trip to the beach for my boys. They come alive, even more than their normal liveliness, while on the beach. It is a joy to see.

The fun started when they ran to the van only to be surprised by our buddies Megan and Joel already in their seats, along for the ride! Then we hit the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru, listened to Disney Classics and Slugs and Bugs: Under Where? while giving hints as to where we might be going. It finally hit them as we crossed the bridge, and they were bursting at the seams with excitement - Justy with his toy camera to capture the moments, Simeon with his tiger binoculars in place as to not miss a thing, Cole with his body-clenching shakes as he joins in on the energy he feels from his brothers. Lunchables (a rare treat!) for the boys, crab fries for us (yummmmm), running,toddling, exploring, imagining on the beach, babies feeling the ocean with their toes, visiting our favorite boardwalk spots, seagulls attacking us (REALLY!), fresh fudge samples, lots of skipping, hopping, hand-holding, giggling.
It was a happy, sunny, full-of-thanks day.

129)our new van!
130)watching a little one learn to walk
131)big brothers who cheer on every step
132)answered prayer
133)childrens' books on tape
134)open windows in early spring, the breeze blowing in
135)homemade bagels
136)the ocean

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

what watching is

this morning i was half-heartedly paying attention to Justus while i was trying to meal-plan and grocery list write...
he was pretending he was at school and he was coloring pictures for his "school" work. he kept saying "watch mommy" and i would say "ok" and glance at him now and then while flipping through my cookbooks. then he said it, and he said it innocently:
"mommy, i don't think you know what watching is."
ouch.
i stopped, looked him in the eye and asked "what do you mean?" and he said "watching is when you really look at someone."
i put my stuff down and i really watched him draw. and i thanked God for my blunt little boy who lovingly and naively called me out on something i needed to be called out on.
and through the rest of this day it is fresh on my mind...
what watching really is.... what listening really is....
and how much i want to be a mommy, a wife, a friend, who really watches.

Monday, March 5, 2012

A full heart

Late at night and I can't sleep....

My pregnant body acts very different than my normal body and it sometimes does things like fight sleep...

And so I've been reflecting on the day, and my heart feels full. Very very full.

Not a second wasted....

Wiped noses, wiped bottoms. Pouring cereal, counting pretzels, washing grapes and celery, cutting into age appropriate pieces. piles of laundry in and out of the washer, then the dryer. Piles of laundry still left to be folded. Catch with the 1 year old who could play catch all day. Countless games of Candy land and hide and seek with the 3 year old who is a lover and who just wants love back. A five year old is king of his class for the week, I see him walk out of school with his crown on and he is proud and I am prouder. A few sweet moments of sitting, interrupted by "mommy come see this" ... and I really don't want to get up, but even at the moment I know that I don't want to miss it. Onions chopped, dough kneaded, sauce simmered, cheese grated...chicago style pizza is worth it. Diapers changed, kisses, hugs, tickles..... All the while listening to andrew Peterson and pentatonix and Sara groves and Disney. A few moments stolen to sing and play the piano. A quick phone call with my dear friend - did her boy really lose his first tooth? Where has the time gone.... But I can't and won't be sad. My here and now is so precious and each of these little moments is so precious and with all of my heart I thank my God. My best friend comes home from work and i meet him on the porch and kiss him and tell him to sneak in, so together we can peek at our 3 boys playing a silly game together, the littlest brother may not know it, but he is "it". and together our hearts are full.

And now I will sleep. I hear someone talking to themselves in bed, and maybe I will need to tend to that, but tonight I really don't mind...

Monday, February 20, 2012

On this cozy afternoon...

120)a day with nothing to do but be together

121) a sleepy baby

122) choosing to do the right thing

123) listening to my boy talk about his day

124) Legos

125) the truth of God running through my mind

126) hearing footsteps come down the stairs after bedtime and knowing from the sound of the pitter-patter just whose they are

127) winter anticipation of a summer vacation

128) knowing deep in my soul that I am not in the line

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