Hold me Jesus

This morning I walked upstairs into the boys' room and was overwhelmed by the mess that I saw.  It seemed like every single toy was out, and I saw a disaster. My two older boys were up there and I don't know what my words were exactly, but they were not happy nor affirming. I think I sounded like the mom that none of us really want to be.  I let them know that they wouldn't do much of anything until it was all cleaned up, and how many times have I told them to put things away before they get out something new?

Simeon's spirit looked crushed, and crushing one of my boys' spirits is close to the top of my list of things I never want to do. His eyes were sad, and hurt, and he started to cry.  

"Are you crying because you just don't want to clean up, or are you sad?"

"I'm sad."

I looked more carefully and saw clearly what I had not before - that there was a masterpiece in the middle of the mess - that my boy had taken every little animal he could find and had separated them into groups and built mountains and seas and plains for them.  There was an ocean and a jungle and a land of dinasours and a farm and the arctic and it he had worked so hard. 

I looked him in the eyes and told him I was sorry - that it turns out that a lot of times mommies don't see what we should. That he is a super creative, really great kid and what he made was really, really awesome. When I saw only a big mess, I was missing out.  

There's so many different things I can "see" and "hear" when I look at and listen to these boys.  We all just want to be really seen, really heard, for people to think we have to say, or create, is really special.  Oh God, help me.

I had a long talk with my best friend today, and it was just about the best thing that could've happened for me right now.  She lives 35 minutes away but it might as well be hours because our days are full to overflowing taking care of our kids and keeping house and loving our husbands, and lately weeks and weeks go by between our talks and my soul just needs to feel connected. So tonight I feel thankful.

I've been finding my way through a rough season in which I have felt short-fused, lonely and unraveled.

The good thing about it is my ache for God has grown and grown...

And I know, yes I know that being aching and weak is better than feeling like I've got things down and I'm strong. Rich Mullins said it this way: 

"I would rather live on the verge of falling and let my security be in the all sufficiency of the grace of God than to live in some kind of pietistical illusion of moral excellence. Not that I don't want to be morally excellent but my faith isn't in the idea that I am more moral than anyone else. My faith is the idea that God and His love are greater than any of the sins we commit." 

Hold me Jesus.

Mulligatawny Soup

Everybody has their own definition of "comfort food". This is mine.It is our favorite recipe. I love cooking, cookbooks, cooking magazines, and finding new recipes is one of my very happiest things.This is my best one. And this soup and this weather are a perfect combination.We were given a copy of The Joy of Cooking as a wedding gift from Tom's sister and brother-in-law, and there were a few recipes throughout that Carrie had marked with a tiny black asterisk. And one day, probably about 5 years ago, I noticed this little star and decided to give it a try. It's perfect. Please try it.  If you make it successfully, and don't like it, well then we have different palates. And sadly, you're missing out. I've changed a few small things, so this version is my own, perfect mulligatawny soup.  (I've seen other recipes with this name that don't seem at all like this, so I'm not sure of its authenticity, but I'm ok with that).         PS: Don't leave out the Granny Smith apples.  They are worth an extra little trip to the store if you happen to forget them.

Mulligatawny soup 

About 1 1/2 lbs boneless skinless chicken thighs, cut into bite size pieces

3 Tbsp vegetable oil

1 onion, thinly sliced

2 garlic cloves, minced 

1 inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and minced

1 Tbsp curry powder

4 cups chicken stock

1/2 tsp salt

1 can coconut milk 

Hot cooked rice

Chopped Granny Smith apples 

Heat vegetable oil over medium-high heat in a soup pot or Dutch oven. 

Add sliced onion, and cook, stirring now and then, until golden brown - 7 or 8 minutes.

Add garlic, ginger and curry powder - cook and stir for about 30 seconds.

(This part needed a picture.  When it looks like this, the aroma is like no other. Your whole house will smell heavenly)

Add the chicken, along with 2 Tbsp of water.Cook, stirring, until chicken loses its raw color, 3 to 4 minutes. 

Stir in chicken stock and salt.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium, and summer until the chicken is cooked through, about 20 minutes.

Add a can of coconut milk and summer for a few more minutes, just to heat through. 

Serve over hot rice. Garnish with chopped Granny Smith apples.

We ate it tonight after a chilly snowy day, and we are happy:)

Let's make it a walking year

I have suddenly realized my New Year's Resolution.  Truthfully, I wasn't looking for a resolution, I'm not much of a resolution maker BUT some events as of late have made me realize that my younger two spend a significantly less amount of time on walks than the older two did.

As a mom of one, and of two, I walked daily, and the boys chattered away and watched the sky through the leaves and branches and we spotted birds and bunnies and squirrels and bugs and people we knew and bridges and cars of every color.  

When all the kids can't easily get popped into a stroller, walks don't seem quite as "easy" ... 

Yet walks refuel my soul, fresh air does us all such good, and being outside is my favorite. so I plan to walk more this year. 

Homeschool perk: maybe even early walks before we start school in the morning once the weather warms up? We will see:) 

Ps I'm also hoping to blog more. Good start, right?