Lately I've mentally written a few posts but they've never made it as far as this. My mind is full lately and my heart is often bursting, sometimes with joy, sometimes with ideas, or passion...
I think it's because I'm truly coming out of that dreary, draining time of pregnancy/postpartum....
And when I do I feel alive. I feel alive to emotions, alive to relationships. I think to myself "this is what I used to be like!" And there is joy around every little corner where for so long I have struggled to find joy.
I can feel again... really feel! Such desire to truly feel and truly live and love... Even when it's a little messy and painful, cause it often is.
I feel a desire to hold on tightly to my boys' hands as they walk through dark days and to spend more time on my knees begging for words to say to those dear boys on those dark days.
I want to really love deeply, for "love covers a multitude of sins"... And I'm surrounded by beautiful broken people and instead of scratching at each other, we can choose to love each other and in that there is such grace and grace is always beautiful. I can't love like this on my own... In fact I'm quite stuck up on my own, but Christ is in me and He wouldn't call us to love like that if HE couldn't do it for us.
And oh, I'm awakened to the beauty of marriage and the gift that Tom is. We have the most unique chance to be grace givers every day and we get to be partners as we make our way down this path and in the everyday with Him there is such beauty.
These days can be long and I can feel tired and the flu really gets us down and I can feel like there are too many decisions and that there's never enough money and what if we do the wrong thing?
But God is with me and He is in me and HE IS GOOD. I need not fear.
I thank Him today for the aliveness that I feel to life and to Him, for joy and new mercies that come in the morning.
He is walking with us and He is for us and let's just all hold on tight to Him, in Him there is an abundant life, I just know that to be true.
